darkness and a new moon
by bellarose5066
Summary: new moon edwards point of veiw!


Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of SM's characters

It was what was best.

No matter what I wanted what Bella needed always came first, and right now Bella needed to get away from me. Even if it killed me I had to give her a chance at a normal life. I did not qualify as normal. Therefore I no longer belonged in the equation. My entire being rejected the prospect of leaving Bella, and it felt like I was being torn to shreds as we silently walked towards the edge of the forest.

But I knew I had no choice, Bella deserved the family and life that, as a vampire I could never offer her. Even if no one would ever lover her as much as I do, I still hoped she could find a way to move on, and have the life she deserved.

I could do it, I could sacrifice my happiness for hers, and I would. For Bella there is nothing that I would not do. But that didn't matter, the immediate problem was convincing her to let me go. Somehow I had to get her to move on even if I never could.

We stopped at the edge of the forest, and I took a deep breath preparing myself for a conversation I knew I would never be ready for, a conversation I never wanted to have.

"Bella we're leaving." She took a deep breath of her own.

"Why now? Another year…"

"Bella It's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless.

She paused confused. I concentrated on keeping my expression blank, and cold.

Comprehension dawned on her and she looked almost as sick as I felt. I concentrated harder on my unfeeling mask, I couldn't let my pain show through or this would never work.

"When you say we-" her voice was a small whisper, that would never ave been audible to human ears. It was as if she hadn't ment for me to hear. But I had, and now I had to clarify.

"I mean my family and myself." She shook her head like she was trying to wake up and clear away a bad dream. I wondered- no. Being able to hear her thoughts would only make this that much harder.

"Okay, I'll come with you." I knew she would do this! What was so hard to understand about goodbye.

"You can't Bella, were we're going- it's not the place for you."

"Were you are is the right place for me" 'Bella please, just let go! I don't want to hurt you.' I concentrated harder on keeping my expression bland. This is what I was afraid of. In my mind I knew the truth, I didn't deserve her. So that's what I told her.

"I'm no good for you Bella." She obviously disagreed.

"Don't be ridiculous you're the very best part of my life." Funny that's precisely how I felt about her, but it no longer mattered how I felt.

"My world is not for you." 'You deserve to live a life that I don't have to offer you, and the family I could never give you.'

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing Edward! Nothing!"

"Your right it was exactly what was to be expected" 'and I can't afford to keep you if it constantly puts you in harm's way, I must do what I can to protect you from what I am.' She was fishing for excuses and I couldn't let any of them get to me.

"You promised," Not even that. "In Phoenix, you promised you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you." I countered. I did not expect her reaction. She was furious

"NO! This is about my soul isn't it?" Well of course that was part of it I could never take her soul or damn her to hell and eternal night. "Carlisle tol;d me about that and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can hve my soul I don't want it without you- it's yours already."

I looked at the ground hiding my reaction. She couldn't mean it, she was just desperate. I thought of how I could change her mind. Mabe I could convince her I had moved on myself. I put my 'cold' mask on again. It was a good thing I was such a good liar or I could never pull this off.

"Bella I don't want you to come with me." I don't want to leave at all for that matter. I could never have anticipated this reaction. I expected her to deny it to call me a liar. Anything but believe me! She pause for a moment.

"You…don't…want…me?"I tried to ignore my pain at her conclusion, forcing the lie past my tight lips.

"No." Her posture changed, almost businesslike.

"Well that changes things." I had to look away the pain was so great it broke through my mask. I knew it was showing on my face. I wanted to deny it but that would defeat my purpose. Still I couldn't stop the small piece of me that needed to tell her I still loved her.

"Of course I'll always love you…" Damn it! Idiot! "in a way, but what happened the other night made me realize it's time for a change. Because I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human." I thought about the kind of man that would take my place and turned my angry glare toward Bella trying to show her just how true that was. I was not human in any way. "I've let this go on for far too long and I'm sorry for that "

"Don't." her agonized whisper was ripping what remained of my heart to shreds. "Don't do this." 'I wouldn't if there were another way to keep you safe and give you the life you deserve.' But I couldn't so I lied.

"You're not good for me Bella." I knew that would get her attention, and it did. The pain I felt as I waited for her answer was numbing.

"If… that's what you want." As if it mattered what I wanted. If it did we would not be having this conversation. I just nodded; I still didn't trust myself to speak. But I had to have her promise

"I would like to ask one favor though if that's not too much."

"Anything." The passion in her voice in that one word destroyed my resolve. Now it was my voice that was pleading.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

The hopelessness on her face reminded me of what my face must look like and I hardened my expression hopefully for the last time. "I'm thinking of Charlie of course, take care of yourself for him."

"I will." My relief at her consent was tangible but not enough to completely remove the pain. MY tension melted and I relaxed, a little. It was my turn.

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise this will be the last time you'll see me, I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed. Don't worry your human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?"

"Well… I won't forget, but my kind we're very easily distracted. I knew2 she wasn't fooled by the smile I forced to my lips. I knew it didn't reach my eyes. I needed to leave, now. Memories were assaulting me in a painful torrent. "That's everything," I said quickly "We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back?" her expression terrified me, and I shook my head wearily.

"No they're all gone I stayed behind to tell you goodbye." So I did. "Goodbye Bella."

"wait!" she cried desperately. I almost reached for her but at the last moment I forced her hands to her sides. I gently kissed her on the forehead and begged for the last time. "Take car of yourself." 'for me' and then I was running faster than I ever had in my life. h It was a while before I realized I was sobbing. Tearless broken sobs that wracked my whole body. They ripped through my chest tearing my heart apart.

It was not long before I collapsed and let the agony have me. Pain unlike any I had ever experienced brought me to my knees.

A while later I realized someone was screaming. And seconds later I relized it was me. 'So this is what dying felt like. And for me it was slow and very painful, the pain worse even than the change. Then I was empty, bereft, numb. As far as I was concerned I was dead. The whole purpose for my existence was over. She was gone. And I no longer cared what happened to me. The only thing I had ever truly cared for was gone. My light, my life, my love, was gone, gone, gone.

**I know it has a tone of stuff from the book but that was just for this chapter so that I could get the diolouge right. The following chapters will be more orginal and hopfuly more interesting. I hope to have the next chapter up in a few days!! Thanks for reading please review it makes my smile and I could always use some advice.Any one want to be a beta for me? yours Rose **


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